Handling My Inconsistent Emotion

by - March 19, 2019

Friendly disclaimer; this is gonna be just me, rambling whatever stuff I could think of, so be warned.

I was so busy lately and suddenly was reminded of this I-don't-keep-track-of-how-long-I've-abandon blog. But I needed the mood to handle this passion of mine so I decided to write this here, at Starbucks. I ordered my usual Choc Cream Chip (since I don't drink coffee), and had Chicken Teriyaki Sandwich for dinner. That sandwich wasn't part of the plan but was glad I ordered it since it's so good, would be in my must-buy menu if I were to spend time in Starbucks next time.

I would like to emphasize that I was so busy lately like literally, I was constantly exhausted I had no time for leisure, I always ended up sleeping right after I got home and woke up past midnight to clean up myself and then got to bed again. This unhealthy routine slowly became a routine I couldn't avoid. I've tried to change it by jogging every evening after work but obviously, I failed after a few attempts since I couldn't handle my workload and usually stayed late at the office so I decided that I just couldn't do it. I'm the kind that always failed to be consistent at keeping a healthy lifestyle though I've set my mind to it.

As typical as it could be, I've been using my strength and thoughts full of work-related only, that I don't really have the time for myself anymore, literally having no life. I always try to do the very best that I could do at my works and today I felt the despair of the news of I'm failing at certain things. Welp, something happened and I needed the distraction, thus this post was written. Have you been in a situation where you felt like all the hard work you've done were gone to waste? I'm feeling that right now. I've done everything I think I could but in the end, I guess my effort wasn't enough and I'm failing, I failed. 

I used to question people, women, in particular, having that mood swing and ended up crying for nothing, no reason at all. But now that I've grown into a woman myself, I'm having that feeling too. There are times when suddenly my heart sank and I cried heavily. Nowadays are one of those days this feeling hit me. I knew the biggest reason I'm having such emotion is because of stress over work, over the feeling of I'm not competent enough but I have no control over it and I don't have anyone I could talk about it so this emotion hit me hard and crying was the only way I could do to heal myself.

I have so much to talk about my inconsistent emotion I'm having lately but I'll stop here. If you're having the same thing as me currently, let's try to encourage ourselves again, to get back up and be strong again.

Soz not soz for this post going nowhere with no definite intention, it's under the personal label after all.

Till then,

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  1. i think its normal kot for us to have that inconsistent emotion state. sometimes memang tak ada jawapan why kita rasa macam tu. just serabut and stress at the same time happy and suddenly sedih. we are still sane tho cuba dalam hati macam2.. hehe..

    1. Right! And that's the hardest part, when you're in that state, susah betul nak keluar T___T